The Lost Diary #10 | 'Til We Meet Again

The Life of The Lost Girl: a creative fictional diary, sometimes based on certain factual truths.

'TIL WE MEET AGAIN

Don't think I have forgotten about you—I still think about you 'til this day. I've noticed your presence has faded and you may be lost, but I still find you buried and trapped deep within my torn and twisted mind. I often wonder what went wrong and why our paths cut in two, but each time I come to find a reason, it was that you were no longer true.

The Lost Diary #9 | State of Decay

The Life of The Lost Girl: a creative fictional diary, sometimes based on certain factual truths.

STATE OF DECAY

There’s a darkness inside of me—a demon, lurking in the shadowed parts of my soul. It consumes every ounce of my well-being and there’s no way to kill it without killing myself. It feeds on my happiness, my failures, my disappoints, my insecurities and the loss of my hope. It disables me. 

It whispers awful things to me and gets inside my head—its maggots crawling inside my mind, burying their filth and decay inside my brain. It becomes me.

The Lost Diary #8 | The Void

The Life of The Lost Girl: a creative fictional diary, sometimes based on certain factual truths.

THE VOID

I've been lost for sometime now—the whirlpool of depression pulling me further down the void. I found myself coughing and spluttering as I pulled myself up from the heavy waves that have drowned my existence. I found myself able to move again, to float, and it was time for me to swim back to shore. 

My muscles were weak, each stroke to the surface paining me, but I told myself I couldn't drown like that again so I pushed further. Each breath caused my lungs to tighten as if the smallest amount of air was too heavy to consume, pinning them. I started choking. I had held my breath for too long—I forgot how to breathe.

The Lost Diary #7 | Internal

The Life of The Lost Girl: a creative fictional diary, sometimes based on certain factual truths.

Internal

I'm sorry.

These words are hard to find—hard to speak. I'm sorry you have to see me like this, so raw and so weak. 

I wish I was different, I wish I were strong. Haunted by my corrupted and anxious thoughts, I wish to belong.

The Lost Diary #6 | Two Sided

The Life of The Lost Girl: a creative fictional diary, sometimes based on certain factual truths.

Two Sided

There are always two sides to every story, just like there are two sides of every face: two different personalities. I was never the popular type in my horrid memories of high school, even when I tried to fit in. I was always the 'odd' one out—the lone black sheep in the flock of white and grey.

Smiles were often faked and forced, my back often stabbed, my face laughed at, and my mind lost in a cloud of hurt, betrayal and deception. My actions were mocked, my voice was always a distant sound in the noisy background forever unheard, and my image was nothing but a cruel joke.

The Lost Diary #5 | Insanity

The Life of The Lost Girl: a creative fictional diary, sometimes based on certain factual truths.

A lost entry from the dark possible future...a lost soul.

The Lost Diary #4 | Face of the Past

The Life of The Lost Girl: a creative fictional diary, sometimes based on certain factual truths.

Face of the Past

I saw him again in my dream, a face from the past. He was standing there and our sights diverted to each other’s. I felt my heart sink lower in my chest, words get caught inside my throat and my eyes burning and tearing from the sight of him. I hesitated for a moment, my body freezing on the spot, stopping right in front of him.

His Adam’s apple lowered inside of his throat. It had been so long since I last saw his face and since I last embraced him in my arms. I could feel tears building in my eyes—tears of sadness, frustration and anger. Everything came back to me in that instant—the pain, the joy: him. All of our memories together flood my thoughts within seconds, and from the way he was looking at me with sadness and pain in his gaze, he must have felt the same way, too.

The Lost Diary #3 | The Deep End

The Life of The Lost Girl: a creative fictional diary, sometimes based on certain factual truths.

The Deep End

Have you ever looked in the deep end and wanted fall in? I would often picture myself floating then sinking deeper into the abyss—the coldness of the dark water numbing my bones as I stare up at the blurred sunlight. I'd imagine the bubbles that escape from my lips float to the surface and the comforting silence of the still water as I sink further down.

As I reach the bottom, I'd lie there for a while, staring up, and get this faint glimmer of hope as though at any second, a hand would reach out for me. But there's nothing, there's no one—just me and the water surrounding my body. Everything is dead still as if time itself had frozen and fallen in with me. I wouldn't feel anything, I wouldn't think a single thought, I would just lie there like a feather and drift ever so slightly. But then the sun begins to fade and whatever colour I could see turns to grey. And before I know it, I blink and realise I'm drowning.